ANOTHER AWESOME WEEKEND

had by me...

Friday - I call in sick to work because really, i just couldn't be fucked with it that day, I make my way to Matt's we drive to Manly, I eat shitty Thai, we played, it was fun, i puked later on.

Saturday - Slept til early afternoon, went to get beers, drank said beers got picked up by Jenna, went to newcastle, drank more.
watched the show, HOLLOW was awesome and Brods and Antag killed it.
show ended, we partied til stupid hours of the morning.
the girls bailed because Kat was retardedly drunk so me ollie and aaron walked to maccas and got some burgers and then walked to kats house where everyone slept except me and ashleigh cause we were talking about dumb shit all night.

Sunday - we sit there bitching about why gloria jeans isn't open yet, it opens, we head down there, my name for gloria jeans is now "Barbara" i grab a mocha, it ruled.
we chill at the house for a while before we head down to embassy for amazing $5 breakfast, which pretty much went straight through me, (fried eggs, bacon, chips, tomatoes and thick cut toast... amazing!)
we pretty much head home after that and i go to my new job and get my shifts and im siked and then i fall asleep until 11pm and here we are now writing a blog.
god, i'm a fuckwit.
i can't wait to quit my cunt-hole of a job tomorrow, fuck yes.\

HERE WE ARE EATING $5 EMBASSY BREAKFAST.



ON TUESDAY MY BAND IS PLAYING IN A LIVING ROOM WITH A HALFPIPE IN IT, SHOULD BE FUN.
this should be a good week.

HUGE WEEKEND WAS HUGE.

Here's a comment I left on my friend Prue's myspace about what happened after the No Apologies show on Saturday (well it was actually 2 comments because it wouldn't fit into one)

It all starts at the Lansdowne with a bourbon and coke and an Important phone call i have to make...

Sooo I ran down to Newtown to go to the pizza shop only to get there and everyone's finished.
proceeded to walk back, ran into you.
I then said goodbye to Ashlee and Dan and made my way to the disgusting Trash, On my way to trash, my phone dies so i'm pretty much fucked for meeting up with anyone. Got to trash hung out for about an hour, saw some friends i didn't expect to see.
got bored so I jumped in a taxi to oxford street, by this time my phone was working for a couple of minutes at a time so i called Gabe from Jungle Fever Fame, however he didn't answer so here i am thinking i'm fucked for something to do but then he messaged me telling me everyone was downstairs at oxford arts so i went there with my friend and they said the cover charge is $20 and i was like "what the fuck??" but i thought "hey, if people i know are down there and they paid it, who am i to not pay it?" so i went in and went to pay the cover charge and then i get told there's a free bar as well so i head down there and there everyone is...
SO we drink and party for hours and the saying of the night is "I'm not gay, I just like to party!" which was said to anyone who walked past.
We got to see Dolan breakdance against this lesbian chick who was a very average breakdancer, she ended up getting booed out of the circle. I ended up leaving at 5:30 and caught a taxi to my friends hotel and crashed on the floor for about 2 hours, woke up with a fucked up hangover, i puked a whole bunch of times, one of which in the middle of the street while walking around sydney. Went and got an amazing scrambled eggs and bacon breakfast, drank an assload of water and felt alot better also my friend let me take his full battery and keep it in my phone and he kept my empty battery (good dude).

(start of comment 2)
So i departed from my mates and went to town hall station to wait for a train to go to kogarah and i go to get on the train and a guy says to me "what the fuck are you looking at?" and punches me in the eye (this is at midday as well not some fucked up hour of the morning)
this dude was also on ice or something and a lot bigger than me so i told him to fuck off and get the fuck away from me and i got on the train, he gets on too. i bail away from him and he pretty much follows me and abuses the old man sitting behind me and says "you're an old bloke so im not going to hit you but i'm gonna fucking kill you!" the dude just walks away and the old man is sitting there shocked, i told the old coupe what happened to me and they asked me about my night last night etc. somehow we get on to religion and they tell me they were coming home from church and they tell me god loves me and the lady gives me a booklet about jesus and tells me they are going to pray for me.

i went to see homewrecker and carpathian after that.
i get home at 10:30pm that night.
and i didn't go to work today cause i didn't feel like it.

pretty awesome weekend all in all.
(end of comments)


there's a more detail but i really couldn't be fucked to type it all.

A FEW DAYS DIFFERENCE.

I WANTED TO POST THIS ON THURSDAY BUT MY INTERNET WOULDN'T WORK

my eyes are red and watery, continuous rubbing isn't helping.
My lungs are shit.
My brain hurts.

It's time I stopped, stop the bullshit, stop everything I need to stop.
No more procrastination.
One full day without.

I just want to be happy.
I get a 20 minute window every now and then.

BUT...

RIGHT NOW I FEEL PRETTY FUCKING GOOD.


My eyes are good, my lungs feel great and my head doesn't hurt.
I stopped procrastinating and I'm feeling happier.
A few improvements need to be made but for the most part I'm doing okay.
I still love the 20 minute windows though. I got my first car yesterday and I'm so fucking excited, I know this is something you're supposed to get excited about at 16/17 but I've never been in the position to own my own car, well I guess I have been and I just had different priorities. This car in particular was owned by my great grandfather who recently passed away that being the reason that I own it now.
My job still sucks though and when I think about it I feel sad, hopefully better days will arrive soon.
Saturday I was a mess and I'm sorry Ashlee, I hope I was entertaining enough for you.

Tomorrow will define my routine.

Como estas, Bitches!

I've been sitting on my ass for 7 days now.
For 4 of those days I was just chillin'
the past 3 I have been trying to find work.
I'm not a picky person when it comes to working a shit job,
I just don't want to work with food anymore and hey, if I can get away from customers while I'm at it I'll take that too.
Sadly, finding those awesome jobs isn't a reality for me.
I have an Interview tomorrow for selling shit over the phone, I actually can't wait to see what it's like to be abused by people I can't even see.

I was about to go to the library before I got offered the interview, dammit.
I need to read more, I need to Internet less, I need to write more, I need to care less.

I'll let you know how I go. But as if you care, right?


p.s.
When I feel that coming tension, I want to run in your direction. Panics got me by the collar,
I need to go your way. If it feels right, I'm gonna stay out tonight. Cut the tension, cut right through, I'm coming straight for you.


p.p.s. As I was writing out the lyrics to that amazingly uplifting song I got a phone call offering me another interview, although this one's in Sydney, Psyched on another interview but not psyched on Sydney traveling.

Inconsiderate me.

Dear Rosemary,
I'd like to fade away, so wipe the me away from your diary.
suicide whispers, in my ear and it happens a lot around here.
when I said, before our sleep not to wake me if you left.
well I'm awake and your not here and I'm better off dead.
this is my last love letter to you.
It's not a stunt, I'm well aware were through. When you think of me, remember better times.
Cause I've grown to be quite selfish when i cry.
Inconsiderate me...
"Sitting at home for the afternoon, don't wanna go outside. Sick of sun soaked concrete streets, close the blinds id rather hide, because the ghost in me is out of key from never keeping love. Sick of pale white bedroom sheets, close your eyes so i can die..."
you were my spine, my crutch, my breathe, my sight, my life, my death, my all.
You were my hope, my fear, my love, my fear, my love, my fear, my fall.
I can't do this without you.
I've tried, I cant, I'm gone,
Sincerely yours...

home.

i've been home for 6 days.
i'm so fucking bored.
i don't have a job and i'm in a cuntload of debt.
i don't even want to look for one.

maybe one will find me? hopefully.

i'm also a terrible person, i should return to bushwick where nothing matters and everything here seems paused.

i want to be in my own ham on rye.
i want to read my own diary of things that haven't happened yet.

stockholm and central.